Bright Street & Fireflies

Last night was one of the coolest nights that I have experienced in a long time. Part of it had to do with being adventurous. But I think the real reason I loved it so much was because I felt Jesus at a very close distance. Closer than He has been to me in a long time.  And I know he is always right there, but last night He was literally, RIGHT THERE. Reaching my hand out the window was like running my hands through his presence. Maybe im crazy.

My friend Jacob and I went on a search for this pyramid in Fredericksburg but by the time we began to look for it, it was dusk and the sky was running out of light for us. But driving through winding roads with the silhouettes of trees on either side of the car, only giving way for passing fields in the distance, made me think a lot about Jesus. How much he loves me. And how much he exists here in Fredericksburg with me. I didn’t want to come back here this summer. In fact, I was ready to run completely away from this place and the things I have felt here, the hurt I have experienced here, the loneliness I have found in my heart here. But then there are days like yesterday, and nights like last night where I realize that God wants me here. To be with Him.

We gave up on the pyramid and starting driving.  I had no idea where we were. Jacob, I think, knew where we were. But I didn’t care. I didn’t want to know. All I knew was that I belonged in the seat of that car, with my hand out the window, singing sweet songs about Jesus. And that was more than enough for me. The moon was a fingernail and the fields that we passed were covered with the flickering lights from fireflies. All I could think about was how Jesus has promised to make me new. Not just sometimes, but all the time. And I have been praying for new things. Better things. Do you ever just feel the weight of a tired year?

I don’t want to be tired anymore.

I needed last night to feel new again. To rejoice in the presence of my king and sit on train tracks and stare at the sky. To know that this year will be good. And that Jesus has promised that my soul will feel well.

That He will make beautiful things out of me.

As the night ended, I came home to an empty house. Filled with things, but empty.  I was scared to be alone. To feel the weight of loneliness just like every other time before. To be reminded of this past year.  And at first, I was. But I think it was a different kind of lonely than I had ever felt before. Instead of being lonely for the presence of another soul, I was lonely for the presence of God. Because I came home and realized that I wasted an entire year searching for comfort and belonging in faces that could stare at me but never see me. arms that could wrap around me but never hold me. Words that could speak to me but never tell me truth.  Empty things. But this house, being empty now, will soon be filled. With new, beautiful things.

Bright things.