Chapter one: Collision

There is nothing better than finally smelling that old familiar air. Or hearing the monotonous drone of the pilings hitting the wheels of my car, trying to keep beat with my own heart, but failing to match the excitement within my chest. The rise and fall of two worlds suddenly meeting up again. As if this time they will actually get along. The ocean air finding its way into my car without an invitation. But once its there I remember the love that it brings, so I roll down the window. Theres nothing better.

Sometimes I wonder why it is so hard to come home. Why I fight the familiar. Because ultimately I think home always wins. No matter how much I fall in love with Fredericksburg, no matter how many friends I find at Mary Washington, no matter how content I become with the life I have created for myself, home will always win. I am contained here. Not confined, but contained. Kept. Even when I finally graduate and start yet another chapter in my life, Virginia Beach will always keep me. At least, I hope she does.

Growing up next to the Atlantic is something I never thought I was taking for granted. After moving to Fredericksburg for college, I realized just how much the ocean has grown me. From the time I was only a child I can remember the wonder that stole my eyes as I looked toward the horizon. She is the reason for so many questions, but also the reason for answers. I still look to that horizon with the same eyes as before. With a lot of the same questions too. Most of them dealing with the expanse of my life, who I'm going to be, what I'm going to amount to, things about myself. But my world really isnt that big in comparison to the ocean. Humbling. I still walk to where the sea meets the sand, in hopes of finding more answers. I know one day God will answer me through the waves. So Ill keep waiting.

I try to bring Fredericksburg home with me sometimes. But my two door 98 Acura only allows for the essentials. Ya know, my dirty laundry and a backpack full of books that probably wont be read. Those types of things. Occasionally a blank canvas or two and some left over paints that need to be used up. Other than that, nothing really fits in my car. The stories from my semester, the Rappahanack river, my favorite running trail, the futon, my best friends. They just can't come with me. And bringing them with me just wouldn't do them justice, because they belong there. And really to experience Fredericksburg, you must go to to Fredericksburg. Its as easy as that.

I went running yesterday and tried to make sense of my two worlds. I tried to think about them together. What it would be like if I could bring them to live together. It just doesn't seem possible though. Ive found myself in both places. Ive found God in both places. Ive found love in both places. Heartbreak in both places. Tears. Laughter. Roads to nowhere. Places that remind me of the other. Places that remind me that there is more than just places. and things. and people. More than just Fredericksburg and Virginia Beach. And the collision of the two worlds.

I was reminded of the horizon. And what lies beyond the opaque line that divides the sea and the sky. The beyond, that my 98 acura will never travel to. And for a moment, a tiny moment, I felt peace between the two worlds. I felt peace at the dividing line.