Cause its a bittersweet symphony, this life.

Its a rainy Thursday. But to be honest, I love the rain. Especially when its warm outside. I have no exams left, nothing to really do but to just be. I love this. My best friend Kimmie and I are at a starbucks off campus, just sitting, and I can't think of a better way to spend my rainy Thursday.

About two weeks ago I was so ready to go home to Virginia beach. I had even started making a list of things that i missed about home. It was gonna be my next blog post, but since then i have realized that im gonna miss this place a lot more than i thought. So this blog is for Mary Washington and the friends i love here. I will miss you guys.

My best friend. i think that if someone had video taped every single conversation ive had with kimmie, the majority of it would be spent in laughter. Well, laughter or tears. Maybe a combo of the two. I love that we laugh more than talk sometimes. Im gonna miss that this summer. It is weird that I have spent literally everyday with her for the past few months, and it is even weirder that we aren't sick of each other yet. I think that that fact alone makes our friendship so strong. We get each other, and thats real. Half the time I dont think that people really understand us, ha and that makes me laugh. I love this girl.

I guess it is silly to classify kimmie as my only best friend here, cause to be honest, all the friends i have here are bests. I feel like a lot of people who come to college make best friends, but these people are so much more than that. They are my real friends. the most understanding group of people i will ever meet, and i am so sad to be without them for 4 months. I think that I always thought that I was being myself, but since I got to college, I realized i hadnt really become myself yet. That sounds like a bunch of word salad..(kimmie and dave understand this term). but seriously, i found myself here, and that is beautiful. These real friends have encouraged me to be my real self. I love each and everyone of them so much.

To all my friends,

Holy cow. when the world messes with my mind, i can always count on you guys to bring me back to reality. this happens to be an every day occurrence, and you guys are the best for always putting up with me. one of the only groups of people that i am not ashamed to cry in front of, and for that I love you. Thank you for teaching me about what its like to really live. For showing me that God is in everything, the trees, the rain, the river. My heart. Thank you for pouring into my heart when at times it seemed so empty. something so awesome about each of you is your hearts. everything you guys do means so much, and you have taught me how to really love. when i think about where i am today, sitting on a couch at a Starbucks listening to soft music and the distant sound of cars, i think about you guys. I think about all the crazy road trips weve been on, and the countless hours of sleep that we lost. I think about how many times i have sat and done nothing with you guys, and how much i loved the nothingness of those moments. The true test of friendship for me is when we can just sit in each others company and just be. Thanks for just being with me sometimes. Thanks for talking to me, and really meaning every word you say, and thanks for just listening. I was never much of a sharer, but you guys make me want to share things. my life my story my thoughts my heart. i love that. The world that i have carried within me for so long has finally become so much easier to share. I thank God for you guys every day, because i have no idea where id be without you. For the times when i am so stressed i cant think straight, and also for the times when my heart is so full of happiness, thanks for being there for me.When i drive home on tuesday i am gonna be sad to leave this place, but knowing that i have the rest of my life ahead to spend with you guys makes leaving a little easier. 4 months will be nothing compared to the years we will spend as friends together. You mean so much to me.

Love, Cat

I love this song. You guys have changed my perspective on life, and because of you I am different. I don't need proof that you will be there for me in the future, because i have something better than proof. I have faith and trust. I trust that i have friends for life, and i hope that you guys feel the same about me.

Life.

Is it possible to be thinking about nothing and then everything all in the same moment?

I have been doing a lot of thinking. Sometimes about nothing, other times about everything, but tonight, its different. It is like my mind is completely at ease with the world, and it is awesome. For the first time in a while, I am not thinking about anything. Because nothing is in my control. I have fully invested in this trust, this trust that God has promised me through love, and his love only.

Its a tuesday night, or actually a wednesday morning, 1 am. I am sitting on the lawn outside my dorm. Tim and Carl are doing homework, and I am just sitting, well now I am blogging. But it is crazy to me to think about my life thus far, and then to realize that tomorrow it starts fresh. I have my whole life ahead of me, and it starts right now, every second counts.

I was joking earlier when I asked myself, what am I doing with my life? But thats the beauty of it. I have no idea what i am doing with my life. I am just living. Carl put it perfectly when he said that we should stop thinking about the future and just live every day. We hear this all the time, live every day to the fullest, but seriously. When was the last time you really lived?

I like that Im a dreamer, it gets me excited for the future. I cant just be a dreamer though, because life is so much more than just dreaming.

Go outside, sit in chair and just think. Think about everything. Think about nothing. Dream dreams, but most importantly, live.