Psalm 139.

This has become sort of a life verse for me. I have been reading it every night before I go to sleep and sometimes throughout the day if I feel stressed out. It's kind of beautiful.

O Lord you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You disern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tounge you know it completely, O Lord.

You hem me in- behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.


If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful.
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts,
O God!
How vast is the sum of them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

There's a beautiful mess inside.

"Sometimes the things you need, you really don't realize you need them, until they're staring you right in the face. It is crazy, but I really can't define the way I am feeling right now. As I sit here, listening to the sounds of guitars and distant conversations, I am just so content. This is where I need to be. It isn't always where I want to be, and at times I wish I were somewhere else, but I can always count on it as the place I need to be."

-I wrote this on Sunday night with the intention of finishing it. Instead I got distracted.

I got distracted with the silly little details that always seem to bog me down on a day to day basis. Sunday night I was in a great mood, excited for the semester ahead, no doubt that it would be a good one. However, life likes to mess with me sometimes. I woke up on Monday morning feeling so alone. My head was a mess and I began to stress myself out over a thousand meaningless things.

Meaningless.

Why do we do this? Why do we fill our heads with worries that don't matter? I guess the truth is, we are only human. There is only so much we can do before we must let go, and let God. I have always known this, but somehow I find it hard to apply it to my own life sometimes. I want to have everything under control, and I hate surprise endings, but then, where is the fun in that? What is life without the mess?

Meaningless?

Coming back to school, I realized just how much I need this place. Sure, I need this place to get an education, to better my future, but what I have failed to recognize is just how much I need this place to better my relationship with God, to realize that the mess of my life is wonderful. Where is the meaning in life without a little mess to get us side tracked every now an then, to make us realize just how much we can't live this life on our own.

We need God and, like it or not, we need the mess.