I just want to write. Im reading this memoir that is written
beautifully, but I cant seem to really read it right now. I also tried to throw
some pots on the wheel earlier, but I couldn’t get them centered. If you know
anything about pottery it is impossible to throw anything worth keeping if you
cant center the clay first. I went on a run at 1045 am. That also didn’t seem
to work for me. I tried to run on the track but I kept counting the circles as
I ran. It made me dizzier than I had anticipated. My alarm went off at 450 am.
I didn’t wake up til 545. The day began without me.
I just found out that tomorrow is
the deadline for something important. Its 1146 pm. I haven’t started that
something.
Needless to say, today wasn’t
exactly a win. If you know what I mean. But I think there were some great
things that happened.
I yelled at God this morning. I
don’t mean that figuratively, I Literally yelled at him. When I had to pull off
on the side of the road in the pouring rain at 6 am to fix my truck bed, I literally
was yelling at him. Screaming actually. It was semi funny though. But ya know
what? I enjoyed yelling at my father. Because I knew he was actually listening
to me. As cars are whizzing past me and my hazard lights, he could only hear
me. He tunes out everything else. Just me.
I wish I could do the same in return
for him.
Anyways. I laughed a lot at myself
after that. Cracked up in my truck. Because even though I was pissed, I felt
joyful. I love rain. And I love the sound of whizzing cars. And I love the
bitter cold when it hits my face. And I love that I can yell at God and know
that he genuinely wants to hear me. And I love that he was probably laughing at
me. Doesn’t it make you joyful thinking about God laughing? I am laughing now
at the thought of it. Well silently laughing because im in the library. I know.
Weird that im here.
I also prayed a lot today. Which is
hard for me to do sometimes. But as I ran around the track I just prayed the
whole time. I dedicated each lap to something different. Maybe that’s weird.
But it was cool for me. It was like my run really had a purpose. I got
discouraged because I got tired. But then I thought about Jesus running next to
me. Which also made me laugh again. I mean I know he is probably a fit guy. But
come on. Imagine Jesus running laps around the track. Would that not be the
best?
This blog post is probably boring
for you to read.
How is it that I can sit here and
write this in a matter of minutes, yet I fail to write anything for school? Its
silly. I love writing.
Another great thing. Watching Dave throw on the wheel. Pure joy. He made something really ugly. I think I can say that. Mostly because its true, but maybe because were friends. Anyways. I appreciated it. because i was frustrated. And its nice to be reminded of how fun things are supposed to be.
But here is the heart of my post
tonight. It happened about 45 minutes ago as I stepped outside the ceramics
studio. I had just destroyed a pot on the wheel and so I stepped outside to
take a break. To breathe in the rainy air. And it was perfect. I just stood
there. In awe of the mist that lightly coated my clay covered hands. Leaving only the trace of a mark. And it was perfect. The entire day I think lead up to that
point. Where I could just breathe in the goodness of creation. The newness of
life. The beauty being made out of the dust on my hands.
All the losses are worth it. For that
one win.
