i cried yesturday. not because of someone, or something that happened, but because of my heart. and i guess you could say that it had to do with an accumulation of things, but ultimately i think my heart just hurts. alot. and so as tears rolled off my face and onto my beloved futon i just felt so alone. alone, and unloved, and maybe even a little bit worthless.
but then this morning i woke up and rolled off of my futon and listened to someone speak truth into me. and i forgot how important the truth is. I forgot about jesus.
I forgot about Jesus.
Really?
Sure. Ive talked alot about how great his love is. how its the only love that satisfies. the only love that truly fills emptiness. But if that is the case, then why dont i feel loved? why do i feel empty? why do i cry of a broken heart? why do i distance myself from people and sleep on my futon when my bed is 2 feet away and then wake up and eat vanilla wafers for breakfast? Its because I forgot!
I think ive convinced myself that i dont need to feel loved by people. but thats a bunch of bull. What i really think i need convincing of, is that i should long for love, but that i should remember first, His love.
"Love fell into the hands of men, and we killed it. We didnt know what to do with it, so we destroyed it."
But God doesnt let me fall into the hands of men. Instead, he sent Jesus to do that for me. So that I may fall into the mercy of his arms. As these next couple of weeks progress, thats the truth that i cling to. That is the truth that I will wake up and breathe. That is the truth I will run to.
So even in this state of emptiness and hurt, I am finally ready to give all i have left to my savior. So im glad im empty. because in that, i am ready to be full again.
You may have already watched this one. But its how i feel.
