Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Love.
What does everyone want most in this world?
Is it Love?
Im sure you could argue me on that answer, but I think its love. People want to feel loved.
People want to love and be loved. It seems so simple when put that way, but i think there is a lot more to it then that. Why is it that we can be oblivious to the fact that we are loved by so many people and only notice when we arent loved by one person? Why do we strive to find love in all the wrong places when real love is staring us in the face?
I want to be loved.
And it is driving me crazy. it consumes my thoughts more than id like to admit and i feel like i need to own up to it. So why is this idea of love holding my thoughts captive? why am i searching for it? What is so great about being loved by someone that i am willing to give up other things to get it. If this love that ive been searching for comes with a price, then why am i so willing to empty my pockets for it?
It makes me angry. Mostly because i hate the idea of being vulnerable, and i hate the idea of being a silly girl. But also because I know what real love is. And because i know i have it.
Over spring break when i was in florida with my friend kimmie we were killing time and driving around and pulled off on the side of a road next to some train tracks. we were taking pictures on the tracks when from out of no where a train appeared. well i mean i guess it wasnt from out of no where, but if were being honest i wasnt expecting a train at all. It was the coolest thing i have experienced in a really long time. Being so close to a train that is speeding by and kicking up wind and dust is unlike anything ive felt in a while. it made me feel alive. Things felt real in that moment.
I want a love that makes me feel alive, and that doesnt ask me to empty my pockets. A love that when I am least expecting it, reminds me that my life is real and that i should be living it. a love that comes from out of no where.
But above all, I want to not want to be loved.
Because I know that I am loved already. For who i am, and for what im not. For my flaws and for my empty pockets. For the person I will become, but most importantly for the person I am right now. Even when I am a mess. Even when i cry about silly things, or act way to much like a girl. For the times when I am selfish and unfair. and for the times when I am needy and want to feel loved.
I am Loved for me.
Is it Love?
Im sure you could argue me on that answer, but I think its love. People want to feel loved.
People want to love and be loved. It seems so simple when put that way, but i think there is a lot more to it then that. Why is it that we can be oblivious to the fact that we are loved by so many people and only notice when we arent loved by one person? Why do we strive to find love in all the wrong places when real love is staring us in the face?
I want to be loved.
And it is driving me crazy. it consumes my thoughts more than id like to admit and i feel like i need to own up to it. So why is this idea of love holding my thoughts captive? why am i searching for it? What is so great about being loved by someone that i am willing to give up other things to get it. If this love that ive been searching for comes with a price, then why am i so willing to empty my pockets for it?
It makes me angry. Mostly because i hate the idea of being vulnerable, and i hate the idea of being a silly girl. But also because I know what real love is. And because i know i have it.
Over spring break when i was in florida with my friend kimmie we were killing time and driving around and pulled off on the side of a road next to some train tracks. we were taking pictures on the tracks when from out of no where a train appeared. well i mean i guess it wasnt from out of no where, but if were being honest i wasnt expecting a train at all. It was the coolest thing i have experienced in a really long time. Being so close to a train that is speeding by and kicking up wind and dust is unlike anything ive felt in a while. it made me feel alive. Things felt real in that moment.
I want a love that makes me feel alive, and that doesnt ask me to empty my pockets. A love that when I am least expecting it, reminds me that my life is real and that i should be living it. a love that comes from out of no where.
But above all, I want to not want to be loved.
Because I know that I am loved already. For who i am, and for what im not. For my flaws and for my empty pockets. For the person I will become, but most importantly for the person I am right now. Even when I am a mess. Even when i cry about silly things, or act way to much like a girl. For the times when I am selfish and unfair. and for the times when I am needy and want to feel loved.
I am Loved for me.
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