I consider myself to be very independent. And lately I have felt like maybe I need to explain myself. To let people in on who I am, and why I am this way.
Once my siblings all graduated and moved out of the house I found myself doing a lot of things on my own. Going to church, driving to school, making my own decisions for once. When I picked a college, I picked one where I would only know a total of 2 people. I distanced myself. I chose this independence. And to be completely honest, I am kind of proud of my decision to find myself somewhere else. Away from Virginia Beach, away from Kellam High School, and away from a lot of things that made me something I didnt want to be.
I have always been pretty reserved, sharing things with very few people, including even my family sometimes. When I sing and play guitar, it rarely happens in front of people. When I paint or draw, I never really let people in on the process. I like my space. I like being alone. Ya know, not in a depressed way or anything, I just like it. I like staring out the windows of cars. In fact I can go an entire 8 hour car ride without talking to anyone. And I don't really know why.
But is it really a bad thing? I mean sure, there are definitely times when I am outgoing and love being around friends, but is it horrible that sometimes I just really like being alone? I guess I have just been noticing it alot this semester. I tend to distance myself from friends, and its not out of hate or annoyance, its just who I am. In fact, looking back on who I was in high school, I guess I havent really changed much. I have my few friends, and thats really just how its always been. Even with boyfriends. I just get tired of having someone constantly wanting to be around me. (I am sorry if you ever dated me in high school.)
All this being said, I have to wonder if I will always be this way. I dont let people in very often. But its nice when you do find those certain people who just get you. People who dont have to ask you why you are the way you are. Friends who love me for my, at times, reserved self. Friends who have taken the time to get to know me without asking me hundreds of questions, but instead have let me talk.
So I guess this is kind of a thank you. To the friends who have really understood me, cause whether I realize it or not. I need you. And to those who have had a hard time getting to know me, I guess this is sort of an apology. I have a tough time loving people sometimes, and putting effort into my relationships. But friendship, and love is something that is so important to me. I am still learning how to find patience with friends who don't understand me quite yet. But if this Love that we are all searching for is what it is, then we would understand that it is patient, and kind, and that it always perseveres. I am all about love. Because love is one thing we are given freely. So as it is given to me, I will freely give it too.
Because in a world where everyone is looking out for themselves, and being independent in their ways, it is good to know that real love never fails. So thanks for being patient with me.
