Even when we have nothing, we have everything.

It’s Christmas day and I just finished watching one of my favorite movies, Walking On Water. The underlying meaning of the documentary is that if you put your faith in the Lord, anything is possible; that once you build yourself upon this firm foundation, there isn’t anything that you can’t overcome. This is just so real to me, and sitting here, on the day that my savior was born I am just so grateful. I am grateful to just be living this life that God made possible for me. He has prepared a life for me, a life that will exceed anything that I can ever dream of, and for that I am just so so thankful.

It is crazy how watching a movie or reading a book can just renew your passion for God, and that is exactly what this movie does for me every time I watch it. I realize that sharing the word and the love of Jesus Christ is what I was put on this earth to do, and that without him I would be empty. If we live our lives without him, there will always be this void, this space that we can’t fill. It is only with the love and sacrifice of Jesus Christ that we can live a full life. I long so much for my brothers and my sister, that one day they will wake up and realize this. That they will realize this love is all they need.

I want to be on fire for God every single day that I wake up, and I want so much for this passion to never fade and for that fire to never burn out. It is on Christmas day that I realize even if I were to have nothing in this world, I will still have everything in the Lord. He is the ground beneath my feet and the rock on which I stand, my everything.

To whom it may concern.

Dear you,

Let's talk. My heart has been burning to get a few things out, so I hope you'll listen. I've changed. It doesn't mean that I don't care about you, in fact I care more about you than ever, it's just that I care about you differently. I want the best for you, and I want you to hear me. 

Stop wishing on things that aren't really there and put your faith in something strong, in someone stronger. You're great, and smart, and funny. But you're so weak. Accept this brokenness. Breathe in and breathe out, and then just loose it. Let go of everything. You think that you're in control, but you're not. You can't choose your future and you sure as hell can't change your past, but you can start over.

In fact, you can start over every day for the rest of your life, and I pray that you will. I pray that every morning you wake up and you start fresh. That with every sunrise you realize your true potential. The potential that you are too blind to see, because your eyes aren't open. Compared to what you ought to be, you're only half awake. So wake up and start living.

Sincerely, 

Me

Ask yourself this.

Today was my third day back from school and so far I have accomplished pretty much nothing. Besides getting too much sleep and watching an excessive amount of Gilmore Girls re-runs, I'd say my time spent at home has been just about as eventful as college walk on a Saturday at Mary Washington. I have seen a total of 8 people, 3 of which live in my own house. Some would call this pathetic, I on the other hand, well, I would have to agree.But let's look beyond this point of pathetic-ness, more importantly, what am I supposed to blog about? This is going to be super informal, but a really cool guy told me that if I don't have anything to write about I should ask myself questions. But then the question becomes, what questions do I ask myself that I don't already know the answer to?

This led me to the question, where have I seen God since arriving home?

For starters, it was my mom's birthday the other day. It was just the two of us, no grandparents, no siblings, just me and mom. I of coarse woke up late, stumbled out of bed, and, being the procrastinator that I am, had a few finishing touches to make on her hand-painted picture frame I had been working on (cheesy I know). After apologizing for the wait I gave her a big birthday hug and handed over the gift. She was thrilled. We spent the rest of the day waiting for Blair (my step dad) to get home from work. I kept asking her what she wanted to do with her day, and she kept telling me that it didn't matter what we were doing, she was just happy that I was home to spend the day with her. Even after Blair got home and we started watching a surf documentary from the 90's (not my mom's version of "Hey, let's watch a movie!"), all she kept saying was how happy she was that we were with her on her birthday. My mom goes through quite a lot on a day to day basis. She works multiple jobs, cooks dinner most every night, and still manages to do it all with a smile on her face. If there is one place that I can always find God, it is in her.

I am super close with my mom, not so much with my dad, so naturally I don't always share everything with him. Yesterday I drove with my dad and step mom to go see my grandpa in the hospital, and during the hour long car ride we  had time to catch up and what not. My dad asked me what I wanted to major in at school, and what I saw myself doing when I graduate. I am probably the most indecisive person you will ever meet, so he was a bit surprised when I told him I was positive I wanted to be an art teacher. He even teared up a little at the thought of me knowing what I was going to do with my life (which isn't uncommon, my dad's an emotional guy). I have never been the one to share things with my dad, and recently it has become a lot easier for me to do so. Ever since becoming closer with God, and gaining a stronger faith in him, I have been able to communicate better with my parents.

Last but not least, can I just say how great it is to be home? Sometimes days spent doing nothing are the best days and although it has been pretty boring, it has made me realize just how awesome my new friends are. I have made some pretty strong friendships at Mary Washington, and being away from them has showed me just how close we all are. It is kind of crazy how I have two lives now, and I can't wait to start sharing all of my crazy stories with my beach friends.


Virginia Beach, you really are a beautiful place, especially in the snow.

The end to a semester. The beginning to a blog.

If it weren't for this weekend where would I find myself?

I have come to realize that everyday I grow more and more anxious about the future. I am a worrier. Most of my anxious thoughts revolve around money or time, but mostly a combination of the two. Instead of being excited about the possibilities, I find myself worrying about how these possibilities will ever be, well, possible.

This weekend I was blessed with the opportunity to volunteer at Rockbridge. At first, I was hesitant to say yes to such an opportunity, but then I realized that it was exactly what I needed. The moment I got in the car with my friends Adam and Gilly, I could tell that this weekend would be the perfect start to my winter break from school. It was.

We talked pretty much the entire way to and from Rockbridge, only pausing for a few songs that you simply can't ignore (ya know, Michael, Mat, Ingrid, Regina, Alecia, the biggies..). I found myself sharing things that under normal circumstances I would keep to myself. The fact that my future is more than scary still lingers, but I have come to realize that I am not alone in this world. The friends that I have found at Mary Washington have become my family. They have helped me grow, not only with confidence in myself, but with confidence in God.

Thanks to Adam, Gilly, Quentin, Dan, and Psalm 139, the extent of this blog will be one in which I write out my thoughts, worry free (well maybe I can't promise that, but for now, worry free).

Psalm 139: 1-10
"If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."

So long Mary Wash (for now), hello Virginia Beach, you've been missed. :)